But come on — how old is she? I wish I was that articulate at her age. I think we are now entering a period in trans articulation in which, while respect the vast array of descriptions people have for the countlessness of their life experience, we are also at risk for a reactionary scepticism that disavows, disallows, and finds theoretical fault pretty much any time a trans person opens up their mouths in public. Yes, we have every right to critique and question, but I do wonder if we’re soon to reach the point that we’ll have run out of expressive potential, given a growing anxiety of silencing, erasing, or excluding. I know that, increasingly, the tendency can be to say nothing, rather than to say ‘the wrong thing’, with the threat of community leader blogs and twitter tirades in response.

I sympathise very strongly that some people do not like this metaphor, that it’s been used to prevent people from access to medical treatment. But I also see how others, especially frightened yet determined children, reach for whatever narrative common ground they have in order to speak outward what is an intensely difficult inner state. And although I wasn’t “trapped in the wrong body” — Jan Morris coined this phrase in /Conundrum/ as far back as the 1970s — I certainly was not dwelling in the right one. And I don’t think that makes me theoretically disqualified as ‘current, hip, trans theorist’ on account of my own portfolio of interpretive conclusions.

As transsexual’s or trans* people we have to understand that our own journey is our own journey and to stop expecting all of us to feel the same way about the “change” .

Janet does amazing work in helping the world to understand what is like to be a transgender person. Thanks for your work.

Buck Angel
Pioneering Filmmaker, Speaker, and Advocate

In the months before the official transition, when I strongly suspected this was going to be my child’s road, I read about you, Janet, and it was extremely helpful. I needed to see a happy successful “mainstream” woman to feel hopeful for my daughter. Thank you for this.

FFS is a different issue, though. That’s more about not having as much trouble in society for me.

These days I read a lot about women’s bodies, be it in women’s self inspection books, books about Tantra or other self-love/self-respect books. And when I do that, I often need to cry, because a lot of what is described I can relate to and mentally feel the same way, but physically I can never fully have this experience, even with SRS, like when they talk about female erectile tissue (the real clit, that is distributed all over the groin area) or about the menstrual cycle.

I’ll try to answer that question since now you have pointed out directly what you are asking about. Don’t know, if I can though, but I’ll try:

I think the harmfulness of gender essentialism as fought against by feminism is in the thinking that society thinks that sex creates certain attributes in people (for female e.g. weak, dependent, caring etc.) and that these attributes lead to certain roles in society, usually the “lesser” ones. So, one way to address this problem is to declare that sex doesn’t matter, that there are no sex specific attributes and thus there is no reason for gender roles. And I agree to the point that of course there shouldn’t be any gender roles but I don’t think that sex doesn’t matter, because mine matters a lot to me, which I feel very directly because it’s not the one my mind expects me to have.

Also feminism should have imho two directions of fight:

1. To fight against ascribing gender roles on people according to their perceived sex.
2. To fight against considering personality attributes that are currently connected to femaleness (feminine attributes) less than masculine attributes.

The second part is often overlooked. In fact, in my experience queer feminism is often sexist in that respect: masculinity is often valued higher than femininity, as long as it is expressed by female-assigned-at-birth people.

As a trans person I value my femaleness and my femininity and it is important to me that they both are not necessarily connected. The trans experience itself I describe as “my brain expects a female body”, in that respect my experience is similar to Sara’s. Only hormones could give me piece of mind, neither therapy nor meditation or self exploration could give me that. In earlier centuries I would probably have gotten a castration to achieve part of that effect (provided I’d have figured it out, otherwise I would have been in misery). That I am also feminine is a different issue, although it only really came out after transitioning – before I was probably too afraid of homo-/transphobic reactions to strongly express it. But you don’t have to be female, trans or whatever to be feminine and also just that you identify as female doesn’t require you to be feminine.

Don’t know if that really clarified things. If you want to dig deeper, I recommend the book Whipping Girl by Julia Serano, especially the chapters about subconscious sex and about intrinsic inclinations. Also here http://gayutopia.blogspot.de/2007/12/julia-serano-performance-piece.html is Julia Serano’s piece about her frustration with the “all gender is performance” in queer feminist circles.

On the other hand, often people in these circles try to remove gender roles by removing gender. This goes very much against my trans experience since I have come to realize that gender is an important part of who I am, that transitioning (including physical aspects) is very important for my mental well-being, which wouldn’t be the case if gender/sex would be just a social construct. I can only be myself if I think if myself as a woman – something that is not part of the experience of many of my cis female friends. For them their gender and sex is just a given and not very important to them. For them it is mostly important to escape any expectations society places on them because of their gender and sex but they cannot necessarily see that this is different from rejecting gender altogether.

I have many times questioned that if from the moment our mothers are pregnant our society did not insist on pushing us to one side or the other of the binary gender theory and push that gender is all about genitalia then would we and transgendered people ever have a problem with the bodies we were born with. If society gave us the freedom to live who we are inside and did not say there is anything wrong with our bodies and put into boxes and categories according to our body parts we might just be fine if we were loved and respected for who we are inside.

However, a part of it still resonates with me, even though I’ve been about a year and a half on hormones and presenting as female for a little over a year.

It’s not that I feel like there’s a female body stuffed away somewhere in here and I just need to find it and everything will be okay, but I still feel like there’s something “wrong” (wrong for me) with the body I have that can’t really be fixed. It doesn’t feel like an idea born of faulty cultural norms (although I recognize that simply “feeling” like it isn’t doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t), but I do feel somewhat “incomplete” and “broken” somehow and I’m not sure what to do about it. I’m a little bit nauseated by the idea that I should simply accept it and love it as it is.

Part of it might be that there are still parts of physical transition I would like to have done (FFS and GRS, in particular), but even then I feel like my body is just shaped wrong. Like having waited until after puberty has twisted me beyond acceptable repair. I don’t cling to any beauty norms and I recognize that women come in innumerable shapes and sizes, and with innumerable kinds of abilities and disabilities, but I feel like I still fall beyond the pale somehow. I’m not sure whether this looks like internalized transphobia or something like that, but it makes my distaste for the “trapped in the wrong body” narrative all the more confusing.

Sorry for the rambling and verbosity, and possibly vanity, but my thoughts about this are so fuzzy and disjointed that this is the best I can summarize them right now. I hope it’s clear what I’m trying to get out.

“Born in the wrong body” is a generic phrase consistently applied to the trans* experience, and has (unfortunately) become so popular that it is ingrained into our culture and accepted as the universal experience for all of the trans* community.

When we choose to not use the prevalent mantra to describe ourselves, we’re creating more possibilities for each other and folks sharing our journeys. … especially as “elder” trans folks for those who are just beginning their journeys to self determination – regardless of their or our age, regardless of where they come to in their own journeys. As you just created more possibilities for me – thank you!

It seems to me that for most people the whole mixture of genders issue is not the first thing on their plate when they wake up in the morning. The categories they acquired during their growing-up period through adulthood to the present are as natural as the way in which you sense yourselves. Daniel Kahneman in his book Thinking Fast and Slow points out that the human mind is divided into two systems. The System 1 part of our minds operate automatically, quickly, and with little or no effort or voluntary control. It finds and develops answers quickly. System 2 is the analytical portion of our minds which are often associated with our subjective experiences. System 2 wants to slow down and think about it, but System 1 gives such quick and neat answers that System 2 often easily adopts System 1′s rationale and gives in to these quick answers; also because System 2 is lazy. Obviously my description is woefully short, but having said that, it is likely to be an uphill battle to transform human thinking about genders. We have seen this throughout the gay rights issue. What I see in the response to Janet Mock’s article is plethora of approaches being taken by individuals who seek individualized definition. So far, the conceptual scheme of our society(s) has not yet fully awakened to this plight. So, Hoda defines a problem, tries to use words currently in play, without making up a new set of words, and tries to make it simple. That’s so the System 1 part of the mind can tackle the incoming data. Of course, this is all in a proverbial sense, before one has had a cup of coffee.

So, how should the question relating to the gender be asked? One way is to ask, How can humans relate to differences from the norm? Or, How do humans define differences from the duality of male-female? There seems to be a push-pull effect. On one side, the club, tribe, clan, pride, herd, and society have their view and reactions to differentness. Understanding this differentness requires a whole lotta coffee early in the morning. Thus, it is up to the players, sympathizers, critics, and judges to continually make their case. So, with reference to the TV program and article….fire Hoda and laud the program…or is it the other way around? System 2 has not yet enough information. More coffee, please!

Plain and simple.

Humans need the “trapped in the wrong body” theory because the average person’s intellect does not invite a larger scope of the bigger picture. With so many egos focusing on what defines them, they forget what defines us as a whole. And that us being spirits in the eyes of a greater being sharing/trading different experiences.

My brain. Not the rest of my body. My brain works SO much better on estrogen. I have been back and I have been forward with this (in regards to hormones/amounts/types and a few set-backs). And all I can say is that whatever you want to call it…whatever I am or I am not…my brain was not wired to go through puberty the way I did. I describe it as lights being turned off….*click*….and it took me until I was 21 to begin to address this.

My role…my dress…how I act or don’t. What I like or don’t. Gay or straight. None of this matters to the physical..biological!…fact that hormone therapy could do for me what I wasn’t able to do on my own. No amount of personal growth, feminist theory, societal rebellion or calming meditation could affect me in the way that I needed.

Yes it does require a lot of personal work. A lot of other therapy and growth and acceptance and self-love. Of understanding that you don’t become male or female…you just become your self. And yes I like the changes that these hormones bring to my body… I ENJOY being able to wear what I like and talk and act and be as I like (that is to my own personal tastes and pleasures). I adore the way my body feels now. I cherish it. I am so thankful for the body I have…in ways I could never experience before.

This would not have been possible in centuries gone past. I am not a victim, nor do I have a mental disorder…but I do need medical help and I am so thankful for the doctors who have helped me and for the knowledge and skills that allow me the pills that make my lights turn on. (And I am also thankful and fortunate to have had my “epiphany” at an early age…and for the resources that we’re becoming available and the privilege I enjoy here in Canada. I know this is not the reality for all and I am sorry for that.)

I was born transgendered. I am female. This is a physical and fundamental fact of my existence…not a role or a theory or a transgressive statement against society. But that is my own truth..my own feelings and I would never claim or define this for anyone else.

-Sara

Philosochick

what i suppose i’m curious about is how we frame this to people who don’t understand, who’ve never met another trans person…or at least haven’t knowingly met another trans person. people hold and cling to their gender as very innate in many cases and the “trapped” ideal gets it through their head, just in a really flawed and dramatic manner. media controls how people perceive us, and this is why we get so unhappy when media plays to stereotypes or ridicule of trans women, but how do we counter-spin the media? because this is a healthy start, don’t get me wrong, but half the time when explaining my past to someone i’ve “invited in” (i really like that phrase, Janet) i get about 6000 questions about why i don’t look like those trans women you see on television.

…and, yeah, i die a little bit inside, because it’s holding me up to a standard of white/femme/hetero/skinny/able-bodied that i just can’t meet, and it also does remind me why i have all this social invisibility which keeps me safe in many cases, but it also makes me feel like those media images and portrayals are the trans women the media *wants* to validate and not the rest of us who have boring little lives. if we are to change how we are perceived by the media, we must validate the diversity of trans experiences, too, and i think this is a critical part of a larger strategy.

I should tell you I strongly dislike the term “transgender,” as it sounds so clinical. And don’t get me started on “gender dysphoria” … or “gender identity disorder.” (If homosexuality is no longer considered a “disorder.” why is our situation still viewed as one? How are we going to get past perceived stigmas when we’re perceived to have a “disorder”?)

And to that effect, I’ve never felt “trapped in my own body,” either, probably for different reasons than you. Maybe it’s because of my Gemini-variety twin-spiritedness. (It’s no accident Bugs Bunny was one of my role models growing up …) I’ve always felt equal parts of both genders growing up — my love of cars and sports, my unrequited longing to be pretty and take ballet and do things with the girls. If anything, my uneasiness manifested itself more in feeling like a general overall misfit because I didn’t fit into anyone’s world very neatly — and, by the same turn, no one fit neatly into mine, either.

I’ve never felt the need for the surgery, as I still like girls (though now it would be one of either sex). But as someone who came out and started her wild gender trip in her late 40s, I can tell you that, save for needing to drop a lifetime of weight, I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own body. Just being who I truly am at last has taken a lot of stress out of my life — and made me a healthier person physically. After I told one of my dearest friends, a former newspaper colleague I worked with 20 years ago, she told me, “The one thing I’ve always thought of you was ‘never comfortable in his own skin.’”

My entrapment, if you’d call it that, was more psychological, if anything — dealing (or not) with a world that still sees things as binary.

In all, I’m glad of who and what I am. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to see and live life from both genders and take the best elements of both. It’s been a unique trip. It hasn’t been a “disorder” — it’s been a gift.

I don’t watch a lot of TV, and as a lifelong newspaper journalist, I’d probably have a lot less patience with TV people than you seen to have. Keep it up, Janet, and keep educating the Hodas of the world. There are always going to be teaching moments.