In high school, the kids in the back of the room taunted me. I would tune out their ignorance insults, though, and turn up the volume to the sound of my own dreams of moving to New York and becoming someone.
Now, I’m one small step closer to that dream. I’m certain that I’m growing into someone and soon those bullies – who pelted me with taunts of mahu – will see me beaming from the pages of a major magazine read by millions. Last Tuesday marked my very first photo shoot – a vanity-plated milestone for me.
As I’ve previously written in a series of blog posts, I’m sharing stories from my childhood and adolescence in a women’s magazine in the hopes of reaching across those pages to let kids – who grew up just like me – know that they aren’t alone, and that all they dream is possible.
It’s possible because there’s a living breathing example of a kid, just like them, who grew up feeling different and was teased because of this glaring difference. She was challenged daily to choose between whom she knew she was or fold and satisfy her environment’s boxed-theory of categories. While it would’ve been easier for her to crush who she knew she was and blend in with the crowd in an effort to achieve “normalcy” – she didn’t.
That girl is me, and she chose to be herself.
It’s taken me a long time to get to this point where I’m able to stand tall without shame or fear and say this is who I am fully. All I hope is that this magazine article, with the story of my upbringing mixed with images of me smiling from the same streets I dreamt of as a kid at Kalihi’s Farrington High School (Go Governors!), helps every kid out there persevere past the taunts, past the bullying, past the broken family, past all the bullshit, and just believe in themselves and their dreams.
It’s possible. Believe. You’re a champion.
I came across your story yesterday while I was sitting in a thrift store waiting for a friend to finish trying on clothes. I actually read another story similar to yours earlier in the day in Glamour magazine about another woman that was born a boy. Both of your stories touched me.
I give you so many props for taking your life in your hands and creating your pathway. I envy that. You are such strong woman. Thank you for sharing such a powerful journey. I feel that it raises such awareness in our society. So many kids are tortured and put down because they are different. It’s sad, BUT hearing your story definitely opens the door for change.
Anyways, I wish you all the best. Thank you again for telling the world your story.
xoxo
ps – I LOVE your hair!!!!
I DON’T KNOW YOU, BUT I LOVE YOU!
I feel the exact same way. Thanks Hillie for spreading your love and light and sending it my way! I’m so blessed.
Amazing! If I ever saw you in NYC I would never know that this is your story! Such a gorgeous individual, and a life so enviously “normal” despite what so many are probably programmed to think/feel/believe. Congratulations to you for knowing her truth & inspiring those now who feel hopeless. Great testimony!
A good friend graduated today, who did his college thesis on gender identities & the experience of ‘the body’ I’ll share the link when I come back to the blog… Cause I will be back! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Denitria. I feel so blessed to be this messenger. That’s all I see myself as. Nothing more. I’m so glad you reached across the article to write on my website. I feel so honored. And I look forward to seeing your friend’s thesis.
Wow Janet! Thanks for sharing your story. I will definitely be buying your book. Much success to you ,. Love the website!
Thanks Necole for sharing my story on your site. While I was not a huge fan of your readers’ reception, I do understand that we all have the right to express ourselves. But your right up was classy and very sensitive. Thank you so much. xx
You look gorgeous! I am so proud of you and cannot wait to read your story. I’m honored to call you a friend. And I still want to hire you to be my shopping concierge. :)
You, me and Mai have to go shopping. That would be a great adventure. She’s the better dresser to me – and shopping is her LIFE. ha. Thanks Cara – and I can’t wait to read and have you sign my copy of Spellbound!
I can’t wait to read the article and see the photo shoot. You are ah-mazing! Thanks for sharing your LIGHT!
You are ah-mazing! Me loves you Mai!
You’ve come such a long way!! You make me beyond proud. Keep going and don’t ever look back, you have the support of such wonderful and amazing friends! Especially, the ones you grew up with. wink*…How I missed those moments as teenagers back in Kalihi. Hope to see you soon and hopefully a reunion!! Love you. Muah!
You’re beyond sweet, Nes! I know I am able to do this because I have such loving people in my life who want to see me do well. Thanks for always being such a great friend. I miss our Kalakaua gym days as well! I will continue to fuki slam with the best of em. Love you!
Oh Janet, how i love thee. When I read this, it brought back a memory that I wanted to share with you. I remember when you first started taking steps to becoming the wonderful and beautiful person you are today. It all started the day I noticed that your breasts were bigger than mines. lol. I remember looking down at my own and thinking, I hope mines would some day be as big as yours. That’s the moment when I realized that I always saw the Janet in you. I never looked at you as anything else other than what you were and are. You are an inspiration and i hope that when people read this they’ll be as couragious as you. To be able to be who they really are no matter what anybody else has to say about it. To really be true to themselves.
I was a little lost myself growing up not knowing who or what I was. (a tomboy lol, a teen mom) I was frowned upon because of the choices I made and had to carve my own path no matter what was said about me. I’m so glad you didn’t let any of the bad things weigh you down and let yourself blossom into the wonderfully talented woman you are today. Christopher is right. I think in some way we all will live vicariously through you and your accomplishments.
I just wanted you to know, that even though there were the bullies who treated you differently, you were never different to me. You were just you. I am also very proud to say that I roamed the same hallways as you growing up and that I came from Kalihi as well. You bring great pride to me and an inspiration that can never be measured. Congratulations in all of your success and accomplishments!! I look forward to the many many more to come.
That is the BREAST story I’ve ever heard, Harmony! It’s been so many years and so many journeys with its own brand of twists and turns, but as I’ve often said before, none of this would be possible without Farrington, Kalihi and all the people I grew up with who were able to see me for me, and always encouraged me to just be. It’s that openness in our little community, that sense of family, that makes me feel brave enough to tell my story, which I know is the story of many, to the world. I’m so happy to have crossed paths with such a beautiful person. Truly! Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m beyond moved.
janet! I’m so happy and excited for you! I’ve seen you blossom from the little kid in middle school to the person you are today. I’m glad you’ve followed your dreams and in your journey, found who you are. It makes me proud to have someone I grew up with in the same streets and hallways of Kalihi and Farrington make a name for themselves. I only wish to achieve the same fulfillment that you have someday. You are definitely Kalihi’s own Carrie Bradshaw! I shall live vicariously through your experiences in blog! Take care and continue doing what you do best…being you!
Chris, I vow to make Kalihi proud. Always. Being rooted in such a rough, yet generous, place is integral to all that I have (and hope) to become. I like the “Kalihi’s own Carrie Bradshaw” – will definitely be stealing that one! Thank you for the encouragement, and I can’t wait to see where you end up!
You have done so well for yourself. A lot of those bullies are still living at home with their parents good to see someone from our childhood days making it. Keep following your dreams Janet and you will go very far in life. :)
Keesha – it’s been nearly a decade since leaving FHS, and I still have very fond memories of the girl who ran the yearbook. I remember always wanting that job and admiring you for doing it with such grace. So glad to see that you’re still as sweet as you’ve always been. Thank you for the kind kind words.