In the three weeks since stepping forward with my story, I’ve been welcomed with such love and blessings and acceptance. It’s overwhelming at times.
Yet, there has also been an equally overwhelming uproar of anger about how I self-identify, about my comfort level with saying I’m transgender, about at times also using the term transsexual interchangeably. By using the word transgender to describe my childhood, I’ve been told from very passionate activists that I (and this is a real quote here) “promote the myth that is helping kill” kids because I’m aligning myself as “part of the gay community.”
When I speak about my personal journey whether it’s through my essays or podcasts, I am speaking from my personal experience. All that I say is from my own journey, not from that of others. Yes, I am humbled that my story resonates with others and in turn speaks on behalf of a community that often doesn’t have their voices heard, but how I self-identify should not be subject of public debate or judgment.
For me, I tend to refer to my childhood as one of a transgender child. When I was four and began asserting myself as the girl I knew myself to be, I did not know about hormones, endocrinologists or genital reconstructive surgery. All I knew was that my internal sense of gender, what spoke to my soul, did not align with my body. But my prepubescent body had not grown into this battle I had to fight against.
The major obstacle in my childhood was the gender norms that constricted and limited me from being me. It was the gender norms that I had to fight and transcend as a child, not necessarily my body.
It wasn’t until adolescence and puberty began to change my body that I began to fight my own vessel. During this heartbreaking period, I became aware of the medical steps that would be necessary to align my body with my soul. I was about 12 at this time, and my villain (the roaring testosterone, the hardening of my frame, the growth of my Adam’s apple) roared, fighting against the image I’ve always had of myself as a girl.
So did the first 12 years of my life not count towards my womanhood because I didn’t know about surgery and hormones, and I didn’t have the intent to medically transition? This is what we communicate to kids in transition when we become divisive about terminology and separatists in our efforts. We discount those years that built us as human beings, the years in which we were still discovering the paths we were taking. And sadly, we discount a large portion of gender-diverse and gender-nonconforming kids who don’t quite know where they’ll end up. All they know is that they don’t quite fit in.
I’ve preached the importance of having role models, mentors and friends who support you. It took a village for me to be who I am today, and it still takes a village to assist me in the journey ahead. While the struggles were mine alone to grapple with, I am a product of my support system, a community that included straight parents and siblings, gay and lesbian classmates, gender-nonconforming teen support group members, drag queens who practiced at the community recreation center where I hung out as a kid, queer volleyball teammates, and older trans women who used their transition experiences to light my path.
I was a transgender child who grew up to be a woman. This is how I choose to speak, how I define myself. I don’t deny any parts of my history, just as I don’t deny being a woman of African-American and Native Hawaiian ancestry. They are equal parts me.
For me, being a trans woman living visibly I understand the weight of my history, which is not just a medical condition. Though I did have to intervene with the help of medicine, I don’t see it as equating to getting a mole removed. My journey is so much more than the surgery I had and the hormones I ingested to physically embody my womanhood. My life has been a series of fights (with and alongside my loved ones, the people around me, and now a larger society) that are so much more than just the medical transition I endured.
I feel our society has a lot of catching up to do in terms of understanding the T, and for us to dedicate limited resources to the debate between transgender vs. transsexual seems irresponsible when it comes to how people self-identify. Abby Jensen says the debate over terminology is “irrelevant to the Fight for Equal Rights” in a recent essay that pushed me towards writing this essay.
I am not betraying anyone by declaring who I know myself to be. I’m learning more about the friction that’s arising between trans advocates and activists to clarify the term transsexual and separate it from the “umbrella term” transgender, which tends to offer a murky definition some feel needs sharpening. I know women and men in transition have medical issues and rights that need their own set of champions, and I am glad there are activists fighting for medical rights for trans people. But I can’t fully align myself with all separatists methods because they don’t always speak directly to me.
I did not come forward with my story to be attacked over how I self-identify, to divide myself from the collective, to yell from the rooftops that I need to be accepted as a straight woman with a medical condition. We all have different battles, and if that one speaks to you, then I applaud your rallying cry, will support your work and never thwart your efforts. But my goal has always been in the service of trying to make the people around us understand that our journey of self-acceptance and alignment is a collective portrait of human potential. And that ultimately, we as trans* people are just that, people.
[…] Janet Mock, “Trans Terminology: How I Self-Identify Is Not a Matter of Public Debate” http://janetmock.com/2011/06/17/identifying-transsexual-versus-transgender/ […]
I am a Gay man and have been since I was 12 or just at age 12. The desire, the want to in being with someone of the same sex versus most people who begin having the desire the want to (chemistry) to be with someone of the opposite sex is NOT A CHOICE. The actions from the desire is a choice, YES, as is with being heterosexual in desire.
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN HAVE SOME COMPASSION WITH SOMETHING THAT’S NOT A CHOICE. BEING CHRISTIAN ONLY MAKES IT MORE CHALLENGING. NO ONE WOULD CHOOSE IT. I LOOKED UP AND FOUND THIS ON THE WEB ABOUT TRANSSEXUALS AND I CAN RELATE TO BEING IN A PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE THAT IS VERY LOW. STILL NOT A CHOICE. GENETICS IS NOT A CHOICE. WOMEN WHO HAVE THE MALE PART AS WELL IS NOT A CHOICE.
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU WOMEN OUT THERE BUT LET ME TELL YOU MOST ALL CHRISTIAN PEOPLE WILL SAY GOD DOESN’T MAKE A PERSON GAY. THAT HELPS DOESN’T IT? No. SUICIDE? NO.
I JUST HAVE TO LOVE ME AND SAY HEY GOD MAKE ME AND LOVES ME. TALK ABOUT IT? RIGHT. NO OF COURSE NOT. NOT EVEN TO FAMILY. SO I CAN RELATE TO YOU ALL. YOU DON’T NEED TO GO ON MR. SPRINGER TV SHOW. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND GREAT .
ANSWERS I DON’T HAVE AND THEY WHO JUDGE DON’T HAVE THE ANSWERS EITHER. IF ANYONE CAN RELATE AND WRITE BACK, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. JUST SOMEONE WHO CAN HAVE SOME COMPASSION AND NOT JUDGE AND SAY I CHOOSE BEING GAY (chemistry). DOES EVERYONE HAVE THE SAME CHEMISTRY (tastebuds) for foods?
We don’t all like the taste of all foods the same. If people understand that, then they will understand the sexual chemistry too because it is not a choice.
I am Gay and I realte to you being something you did not choose
Janet is incredibly beautiful physically. She was able to fully transition while in her teens, and was also blessed with great genes. But, I admire Janet because about 4-5 weeks ago she decided to “come out” and share her life story in Marie Claire magazine. In doing so, her “secret” has been made public to the entire world. I’ve been corresponding with Janet via e-mail over the past month, and she is an amazing person. Even with as bust as she is with her job at People.com, writing a book, speaking at events and other things in her life, she takes the time to interact with me via e-mail. And, on her FB page, Janet responds to EVERY person that posts on the page. While I was not fortunate enough to have the kind of supportive environment Janet had as a teen in which to be honest about my gender, and while I’ve not been able to make a full transition and will never be as physically beautiful as Janet, she is a person I admire a great deal. I grew up in a different era, and also did not have the courage Janet had at that age to be open and honest. And, while our lives are quite different, to Janet I am ever bit as much a woman as she is, and being able to interact with her and have her support means so much to me!!
And, as a person who gender IS female but who does not have the financial resources to make a full transition, is lacking support, suffers from mental health problems and is not able to “pass” as female, it really hurts to see other people that fall into the “T” category acting as if they are more female than myself. That is the type of thing I expect from people who are cis-gender, but NOT from other people who are “trans”. Alot of us just do not have the money to get to a point of fitting into the female role physically. We do the best we can given our circumstances. I am not a freak… I am not a “cross dresser”…. I am no less female than a person who has been able to make a full transition or who “passes” as female. It realy, really irks me to see so much anger being directed at Janet and also reading the comments of people who were fortunate to be able to fully transition to look down on a person such as myself and others like me. And, I totally agree with Jami about labels. A label is merely a tag that people put on others or that one chooses to use as a way of putting themselves into a box. And, like Jami, I believe the fewer labels we have the more we would see each other as human beings doing our best to live in this world, rather than seperating and dividing based on gender identity, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religious beliefs…..etc. One last point. No matter what a person such as myself, Janet or any other person who physical bith sex and gender identity are opposite does to alter their body, we will NEVER be “cis-gender”. We will always be transgender whtehr we like it or not, and there is no reason for us to see that as being a bad thing.
Thank you for this. I don’t accept anyone else’s labels for who or what I am, and I don’t need anyone else’s approval for the way I might refer to myself. How others might choose to refer to me is their business, but just as if they decided to address me as “Clarence” instead of “Jami”, I simply refuse to respond to a name or descriptor that I don’t see as me. Besides, labels are a big hot-button issue for me, anyway. I’m firmly convinced that the fewer of them we have, the better chance we have of dealing with people as the people they are, not as some abstract and possibly arbitrary label. Anytime you slap a label on the outside, you hide some of what’s really on the inside.
So, I absolutely believe how you identify yourself as your right. I applaud your courage and I do support your right to refer to yourself as whatever you want.
But, I feel as though this “fight” not about what you choose, or I choose to identify as, but rather what others choose to identify transsexual women as. And, by that I mean not just some blogger somewhere, but powerful people, with influence and the means to affect policy.
A small example would be a Doctor who refused to refer me as what I am, and continually misrepresented me in the medical records. I have a copy of those records, btw. While it might be thought it would be easy to say just get another Doctor, I can speak as a woman with over twenty years of experience, and it isn’t easy.getting a Doctor to take you on.
What this fight really is about is not your right to refer to yourself as whatever you choose, but our right to be acknowledged as what we really are BY OTHERS.
To me, the current “fight” is whether I, and others like me should be lumped in together with crossdressers and drag queens. There may indeed be some common behaviours, but my set of needs, issues and problems, i.e., job discrimination, medical treatment, are really very, very different. Those needs, issues and problems more closely matchup with other women, and the mis-identification with the TG community creates an artificial separation between me and other women.
And to return to the policy issue, I can absolutely gurantee you that this “lumping together” means resources that I need are not being made available to me (and other TS women) but rather are exclusively directed to TG needs.
I know from direct personal experience that if you go to a particular “rainbow” center in the SF east bay area, and ask what they have available for you as a TS, they will tell you, specifically “not much”, and they may even direct you (as they did to me) to a crossdresser group. Which will ask you to leave, becuase you are a TS.
So, that’s why it matters.
Thank you for this post Janet. And thank you for YOU.
I have to say I don’t quite understand the intensity of passion those transsexual women have for disassociating with all things transgender. They seem to be working off of a negative definition of transgender I’m simply not aware of. To me I hear the word more as a hyphenated phrase, as in “trans-gender” as in all gendered experiences that span across socially assigned gender boundaries for whatever reason. I see it as a description of life experiences rather than as a specific identity. But I also feel the same way about transsexual, honestly
.
I am also a transsexual woman in clinical terms, but I describe myself as simply a woman with trans history. I do tend to make a huge distinction between life before surgery and life after surgery in my mind (for many reasons). But I refuse to accept that my womanhood was any less valid before surgery. I refuse to hinge the core of my identity as a woman on something I could easily never have had the privilege to access if life circumstances had asserted themselves differently. I refuse to be a thing that can be taken away from me if we insist on biological definitions of things. What if THEY, the arbiters of womanhood, decide that to qualify as a woman you must have only certain chromosomes or a certain shaped pelvis, or zero social or medical history of maleness regardless of surgery? Well then I’d be S.O.L. along with many other passionate transsexual women , not to mention alot of women who aren’t trans.
So yes, for me there DOES seem to be a huge difference between transsexual and transgender. And that difference is Privilege. The privilege to be so lucky as to have had access to a surgery that allows one to be deemed socially and legally acceptable. I know I am one of the lucky ones. But I don’t believe any surgery or legal gender category should have the power over people’s very lives like that. I just don’t.
That said.. it’s not really up for debate anymore is it? But should my oppressors refuse to identify me as “just a woman” based on whatever superficial history I share with others who do NOT identify as “just women”… that is not the fault of the others, it is the fault of my oppressors and it is THEY who must be called out for their supremacist behaviors.
Privilege??? The “privilege” to undergo difficult, dangerous, expensive surgery? You speak of privilege? I transitioned with NOTHING in my pocket. No money at all. The only money I had went to surgery. That was 22 years ago. All the success I’ve had in life has been as a woman. All the money I earned was as a woman. And I paid a really HIGH price for my transition, I struggled but I made it. But I was broke after the surgery, I had NOTHING. And yes, I prefer to be referred to as a Transsexual woman. I don’t really care what you want to call yourself. Call yourself whatever you like, and I’ll respect it. But respect me as well!
Janet,
I really appreciate what you are saying here.
As I look over my life, I know I have always been transgender. A few years ago I was forced to come face to face with who I am. I tried on several labels (transvestite, cross dresser, etc) until I accepted the truth about myself (transsexual woman).
I never had the strength of will to assert myself as a child. I knew what I was born and what everyone said and to overthrow that and stand up for myself wasn’t something I could do. I internalized it and began a process of a form of self loathing.
Labels are personal. They should be defined by the individual wearing them not someone who wants to project something onto us.
For the record, I disagree with Kate’s definition about surgery being the bounds. That is an artificial barrier available only to the privileged with money or living in a country which will do it for you.
When someone takes on or removes a label, everyone would be wise and kind to accept them for who they say they are.
Much Love,
Christine
Janet,
What an incredible, heartfelt essay! Your concluding statement that your “goal has always been in the service of trying to make our society understand that our journey of self-acceptance and alignment is a collective portrait of human potential. And that ultimately, we as trans people are just that,people” especially resonated with me.
I feel honored that my own essay was able to help you reach a clearer of understanding of who you are. After all, isn’t that what every human being is ultimately seeking? Certainly, for me, it is exactly that search that led me to the realization of who I am and, ultimately, to my own transition, and which continues to guide me every day.
Good luck on your journey. I’m glad that I was able to contribute my own small part to that process.
Blessings,
Abby
thank you for this….one of the best pieces I have read about this silly debate that is pointlessly stopping real progress from being made for all people. Thanks for sharing!
M
Right on, sister … I’ve be fighting this battle for 15 years. But, really, this whole debate is actually so simple to resolve … Transgender before surgery. Transsexual after surgery. Yes, I know it’s still a generality, but, at least it gives us something to use as a marker. Mind you, I grab my reissued birth certificate every time I argue this and scream that I’m female. However, I do have to acknowledge that I am a “transsexual female”. Granted, I know lot’s of transwomen who still never made the leap to being a woman after surgery, regardless of “what’s between their legs”. However, at least we have a reference until medical science can refine this further.
There is a huge difference between transgender and transsexual … we all know it, whether we like the distinction or not. It’s been the elephant in the living room ever since the “T” was added to gay and lesbian group. Being under that flag has only caused further confusion to the general population and lack of serious medical consideration in the scientific. The lack of any real SOC rules or prerequisites to get SRS has only made things worse.
Thank you Janet, for standing up for what you believe in … and making a difference in the world. Bless you.