I believe her name is pronounced E-Lahn and/or IZ-Lahn. Thank you!

Thanks so much for writing this. My daughter13yr old trans daughter and I are attending a Transgender Day of Rememberance Vigil at our local GLBT center. We have chosen honor Islan Nettles at the ceremony. Could you please tell me how to pronounce her name correctly? – Or anyone else that knew her. Does it sound like “Island” without the “D”? Or is it ISSSlan?

We want to make sure we honor her properly. We decopodged a glass hurricane candle cover with “True Colors” Sheet music, Isan’s picture and then watercolor painted the colors of the rainbow onver it. When a candle burns inside it’s beautifu! We are going to read the lyrics of the song and tell a little bit about her. Thanks so much for your help.

Thank you for this, very much. I transitioned 46 years ago and most of those years have been lived in safety. Yet, each time I witness violence against my trans sisters and brothers, even when the witnessing is from a great social and geographic distance, I understand again and again how provisional trans safety still is, and my own times on the streets, at risk, at the end of a fist return to me, and then I am so glad women like you fight for us. Respect.

Vivian

Over the past forty years of my being out openly in the LGBTQ/Hetero community I have lost too many friends to violence and suicide. I myself have been the victim several times of violence and at least once nearly succeeded in suicide (I don’t remember how many times I’ve tried). Do not speak to me of what I have, or have not, done. Speak to me of what YOU want to try and do about what others so shamelessly do to #GirlsLikeUs without conscience or any consideration!

I will tell you what I do. When out in public on public transportation, (which is any time I go anywhere) I speak with strangers near me in a friendly manner to show that transwomen ARE NOT the evil creatures society has labeled us as. That we are kind, understanding, and caring WOMEN who care about what happens to everyone…not just our sisters! When you have done this for 25 years, as I have, please feel free to give me a shout out…then I will know that I am not waging a one woman battle against ignorance, fear, and loathing against those of us who are TRANSWOMEN.

Of course, they had no idea the girl next to them was transgender as well cause I am what some would describe as “passable.” I rarely get the discrimination, harassment, violence or shaming their sister Islan must have gotten…but once in a while I am exposed to it as a spectator never forgetting if I was just a little less “passable” that could have been me.

Again I am saddened to hear that another of our sisters has fallen. The rage we feel when we are misgendered or non-gendered (..there is a “person” here to see you) must be turned into a strengthening of our resolve to show the world that we deserve to be called by the proper gender. The pain I feel when one of our sisters falls is much more than physical – it is like a piece of all of us has been violently, brutally, and yes, painfully ripped away without so much as a by our leave or apology.

My favorite expression goes like this, “Draw not your (s)words in anger or rage. Instead draw them with a clear purpose, and a clear mind, so that justice and peace shall triumph over all that rise up against us.” I was once a mighty warrior during a major conflict many, many years ago. I rose up to help win that conflict, and at my greatest was told to stand down and go home…that my time to wage war was over. For many years I was angry at my leaders for not letting me help to finish what they had started. Gradually that anger turned into a resolve, and a vow, to never wage war again.

This past July that resolve was tested when a man rose up against me because he recognized that I am a transwoman. He didn’t give me any choice in the matter. In my own defense, my warrior training took over and I soon found myself on the brink of killing him. Finding myself there I immediately drew back and released him. The look on his face told me he knew he had been within inches of dying.

So now I have renewed that vow of peace and must start afresh. 39 years of peace is a long time. I hope I live long enough to do that much again. If I do, i will consider myself very, very lucky!

annie mok,
philly

Thank you Kenia. I agree that we need to educate our cis brothers and sisters about our lives, our experiences and about what we go through. I think it’s vital that people realize that we are not disposable or less than human. We are their sisters and folks need to embrace that. Each and everyone of us living their truth does the vital work everyday to ensure that we are seen and that we are not going anywhere. It’s a step in the right direction.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with Islan with me. I met some young women at the vigil who knew her and loved her and spoken kindly and generously about their friendship. I’m glad you were there for Islan during a pivotal part of her life; I know how invaluable having that kind of support can be as a young person revealing yourself. I, too, hope young trans people find the love and support they need to live their best possible lives.

I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I do not believe we’re seeking approval from anyone to live our lives. I do not believe it’s a lifestyle, it’s our lives. I am grateful that you do not discriminate those who are different from you because we are all different from one another. Continue to be well.

Hi Golden. Thanks for sharing your experience and insights. I’m glad the event suited you, yet we must also realize that others felt differently, and our differences, criticisms and experiences do not negate one another’s. I, too, think it is important that we educate our communities of color about our unique experiences as trans people. I was also proud that a black-led organization was taking the helm at the event, and I hope going forward they learn and evolve due to this experience.

I’m actually very saddened to see the number of trans* people of color rally around organizations that have historically neglected us; again, only showing up when acts of violence occur as it seems that’s when they can get more face-time with the press. We people of color of trans* experience know that our inclusion in the world of white folks has been limited to us appearing on stage and lip-synching. In this generalization, if you don’t belong, disregard. For those of you talking about cisgender people, and specifically with regard to Islan, please acknowledge that her FAMILY are more than cisgender people. I doubt if any of you knew where Islan was in her journey, with none of you knowing where the family is in their journey. If you’re not privy to someone else’s complete story, then you have no right to paint a picture based upon your journey. Again, allow people in instead of shutting them out. In the midst of a family grieving, I expected us to be clever enough to deliver our messages, while respecting them. Not for nothing, in their own way, and, perhaps, the only way they KNOW how, they should a tremendous amount of respect, love and gratitude to our community at the vigil. Until we’ve learned that the entire world has been denied the opportunity to embrace us due to the influences of cultural norms around gender and gender expression, we will continue to operate under the paradigm of “us” and “them.” We are all victims of hegemony and other dominant forces; none of us are who we were meant to be as we entered this Earth, and, if we’re lucky, we’ll spend some time trying to discover who the person was meant to be, and reclaim her or him. Self-righteousness kills! Don’t block your blessings!

Lizzy Jenkins
New Orleans

Your perspective has educated all of us that were there & not there – thanks so much for writing it. <3

I had a whole comment written out but decided that while others have commented calls do action, it really does not feel right to be adding one into such a beautiful, heartfelt post. There are a time and place for everything and it just felt wrong to place it here…

I wish I could have been with you ladies in that room. Everyone so far had been right in that we need to stand together in the face of oppression, misgendering, etc.

With love to all the beautiful women out there! Never lose faith.

Addie

Thank you for this.

xoxo,

Sophia

Thank you so much for your honest and heartwrenching perspective on last night’s vigil, which I also attended. I appreciate you raising the issue of the instances where she was misgendered – as a ciswoman I am trying to educate myself on various gender-related terms, and was confused when some speakers used “she” and others used “he.” I don’t know if that was intentional or just indicative of a lack of wider knowledge on how to assign the correct pronoun to a trans* man or woman, but thank you for helping me become more aware at how much language *matters.*

I completely agree with your take on the politicians, who were thanked ad nauseum and yet, had cameras in tow. It wasn’t ABOUT THEM. Super tasteless. Leave the video cameras out. of. it.

Like another commenter said, should another public vigil be organized that will include and elevate the voices of those in the trans community and/or who knew Islan, please share it.

love and light.

although, I am not gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered, and I do not believe in that lifestyle, I do not discriminate. No matter how we live our lives, we are all worthy of life and liberties. No one person has the right to judge anyone simply because they live differently. I thought God did that. I have 3 cousins that I know of that are gay and although its not the life I live, I could not love them any less. l. They know how I feel, and they respect my beliefs, and I respect theirs. I could not imagine living one day without them.In fact, I have a cousin who has won NUMEROUS awards and crowns in pagents for Gays, lesbians, transgender and bisexual individuals..We grew up together, and no matter what, that’s my blood and if I were the family of this young woman I would go crazy. I can not believe that people can be so evil..Oh yes sir, the person(s) responsible will face God and have to answer for this, Anyway, what I am trying to say, that no matter what we believe in life, NO ONE is perfect and therefore, how can we judge someone else. God please be with the family of the victim and the family of the offender(s)

As a sex worker and an activist, I don’t know what it feels like to be transgender but I do understand the need to hide what I am from the world in order to protect myself from a violent society that seeks to harm me. I became an activist because these deaths HAUNT me and I refuse to be shamed or silenced any longer.

I admire those in the community that have come out to show their support, even though many of them live in fear, and feel the need to hide from the world, to feel safe, and avoid discrimination, harassment and hatred.

Its time to change the social perception that she wasn’t a person. . No one wants to feel a sense of community or sameness with her. She was something other than us and therefore we don’t need to feel fear or grief at the fact or the manner of her death.”

But some fire has to come next time for those who keep leaving us with such voids in our hearts.

You said it all. I am an educator in a NYC public high school, a new politician and an openly gay man living in West Harlem. I just want you and all of your sisters to know that I stand with you and send you all of the love I have to give. I want to take action with you if you want me and need me. I am sorry you were hurt yet again, but know that there are many more like me who want to do more and do it right.

Love and Peace,
Mark

Thank you so much for your leadership and work, Brooke. (And yes, the Brooke I mentioned in the piece is you. I only included first names to protect privacy ;-) My hope is that we can all learn from this experience and continue to be very vocal and involved with the spaces and events that we occupy. In love + solidarity!

I’m so enraged that many girls are going to stop feminization to avoid getting killed which is what they want. FOR US TO DISAPPEAR FROM THEIR NEIGHBORHOODS. Last night I wanted to tell them so bad how brave they are to start so early, and that they should take in consideration that by stopping or delaying feminisation we are conforming to the aggressor’s wishes, that there’s got to be some other way, other than that or living a double life, and that we all are going to come up with a plan to protect GENDER EXPRESSION NOW.

I don’t rememberer much about the last part, I was just watching & in a state of shock from the back, just telling my self to stay, because no one would have ever notice my absence anyway. I do remember Kiara’s face. It looked different, and yes I just wanted to be a good girl so I wouldn’t lose my friends, and I convoqued as may as I could for coffee and ended up in iHop (like 20 girls) as if nothing have ever happened, no one brought it up (weird). I’m smiling like a crazy in every photo, but don’t know why. I shook everyone’s hand specially Ms Quinn’s wife (she seems so nice) but my chest was so tight with anxiety, signaling that I WAS NOT IN A SAFE PLACE, that my activist career, life purpose & meaning could be ended any minute. Don’t know if anyone else ever feels this way but that might have more to do with being an undocumented citizen.

This goes to show again what an amazing leader you are, your words make me cry, because no one has ever spoken to me like this, and told me I’m doing OK. I live so afraid of disapproval (believe it or not). That all this seems so foreign, a delicious meal that I have no utensils to eat, that I have to check my name is in this piece too see you are referring to me.

Thank you Fairy Godmother Janet
XOXOXOX

yours truly
Brooke Cerda

The time to be quiet has passed.
The time to be patient has passed.
The time to be still has passed.
The time to be scolded has passed.
Our voices will not be silenced.
We will make ourselves heard.
Standing together: we will be counted.
And standing together, we will be named.